I sit in the dark, cold living room . TV is a background, raindrops are so loud and candles smell like applespice. New Year and again I'm sitting here alone. I yearn for company , I crave love because loneliness is creeping it's ugly head again. Darkness is starting to seep in. Then I imagine some fantasy hugging & spending time with some one. Reality hits me and I freeze. I can't offer them what they want. Since when? I use to love sex, cuddling & anything physical. Now I cringe when my own sister hugs me without my permission. WTF!!!
Stupid fucking Social anxiety. I haven't been in a relationship in 7 yrs. And the more time passes, the bigger & thicker that wall between me & the world become.
How do I learn to cope, how could any one else want to deal with me? At the end everyone must leave & I stay.
What is the fear of intimacy?
Intimacy anxiety is the fear of emotional closeness with another. It can also include the fear of being sexually intimate with a romantic partner. The individual who fears intimacy will be reluctant to open up and be genuine for fear that they will be rejected for being their true self. They wish to avoid hurt and pain at all cost.